a hole in our family, feeling sorry post

Warning, this is my feeling sorry for myself post, and believe me I know it could be alot worse!!We said goodbye to Jose yesterday, and now there is a hole in our family. The boys do not talk about it much, but its there. I walked around doing all of the mom things like picking up socks and folding laundry and making dinner, feeling like there is a hole in my chest. I can't believe how much I miss him already. If I think about it too much, I'll cry, so I don't think about it too much. I have been running a tight ship on day one: no sass, dinner at the table, bath time 8:30, bed time 9 pm sharp, backpacks ready to go, out at 6:35 am.
Like lost souls, we went to the NEX and picked up some new movies: Juno, Cloverleaf (Mom will watch) The Water Horse Legend of the Deep. We picked up a flat of flowers on the base and when we came home, we had a cute 18 month old and some other younguns help by ripping up the flowers and dumping them into shallow randomly placed holes. That is the way a spring garden should be, designed by neighbor kids! :)
I sent Jose an email in case he might get it, but I didn't say anything like hi honey, I'm scared to be here alone with the kids, I can't read or write here, I can't speak the language, I don't know how the navy works, I need you to fix my wireless internet, I cried in the kitchen when the kids were watching cartoons...
Ok, enough of that!!!!